Israfel
by SwoopingOwlSavior
Summary: Castiel finds a new way to impress Dean.  Crackfic. Not slash.


I do not own anything involving Supernatural.

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><p>Castiel sat on the park swing, hunched over, chin in his hands, when his good friend Israfel suddenly appeared.<p>

"What are you doing here?" asked Cass, not looking up from the spot on the ground he had decided to stare at until it gave him all of the answers he was looking for.

"I drew the short straw."

"What does that mean?" Castiel asked, momentarily leaving his brooding thoughts, though not long after the question was asked he went back to brooding because that's what all the hot vampires do, and that always impresses people.

"Nothing," replied Israfel. "The others have been talking. We are concerned about the way you've been acting."

"Nothing to be concerned about."

"That doesn't seem to be the case. Castiel, I consider you a friend and I'd like to help you in any way that I can."

"Any way?" asked Castiel, suddenly perking up.

"Any way. So long as it's not really evil."

"Oh," said Cass. _Well that throws the rabid chimpanzee with machine gun plan right out of the window. _

"Rabid chimpanzees? Castiel, what sort of thing are you planning?" asked Israfel. Castiel, remembering that angels could read each others minds, decided to tell Israfel about the new plan that was formulating in his mind.

"Israfel, all of those twelve year old humans worship you... Dean would certainly be impressed if he knew that _you _considered me a friend!"

"Well, I suppose so... those twelve year olds certainly do lose control when they catch sight of my vessel..."

"Yes, and they jump up and down at the mere mention of your vessel's name... Justin Bieber, right?"

"Right... so what exactly is your plan then?" asked Israfel once again.

"All I need to do is find a way to let it slip to Dean that I know Justin Bieber, and he will no longer think of me as a 'nerdy angel', and start thinking of me as 'supermegafoxyawesome angel'!... If only there were a way to show him how impressive you can be, without telling him about you, because that would come off as desperate and nerdy... I've got the perfect plan!" declared Castiel, a slow smile creeping across his face that made him look somewhat like the Grinch who stole Christmas.

As Castiel devised and declared his new plan, he cheered up a considerable amount, so Israfel decided to go along with what he said.

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><p>Sam looked out the window, not taking his eyes off of what was happening, as if staring at it would make it stop. He saw the cats, all shapes, sizes, and breeds, pouring out of the sky, landing safely and walking away unscathed.<p>

"We should call Cass," he said.

"I just did. He should be here any second," Dean replied.

As Dean predicted, a few seconds later they felt the sudden gust of wind that meant their favorite trench coat-wearing angel was there to save the day.

"What's the matter, Dean? Are you hurt?" he asked, sounding worried.

"Hey, Cass! Dean's fine! I'm fine, too!" Sam said, ripping his attention from the horrific sight he was previously gazing at. Castiel threw him a look and focused his attention back onto Dean.

"Are you alright?" he asked Dean once again.

"I'm fine, Cass! Have you looked outside? We've got bigger things to worry about!"

"Aw, are you all scared of the big bad kitties, Deany-bear?" replied Cass, using his baby voice that he never actually used on children.

"I'm not scared!" replied Dean, looking rather embarrassed.

"I'm not scared, Cass!" said a hopeful Sam, who earned himself another aggravated look from the angel.

"Look, Cass, we need to figure out how to fix this, fast," said Dean.

After a bit of thinking, Castiel said, "I think I know someone who can help."

Before Dean could ask who, Castiel was gone, and back a few short seconds later.

"You've gotta be kidding me," said Dean with an incredulous look on his face, for when he returned, he had brought Justin Bieber with him.

"Hey, guys," he said with the smooth demeanor one can only learn from a publicist, and the maple syrup colored hair that looked as if each strand was a tiny miracle.

"How is _she _supposed to help with _that_?" Dean gestured out the window, where there were more cats than Dean had ever seen in his life, much less in one place.

San, however, seemed beside himself with amazement.

"Is it... is it really...?"

"Hey, Sam," said Bieber, flashing him a smile that made Sam want to take all his posters and magazine clippings and all the other things with his gorgeous smile he had stored away, cruelly hidden from the world, and just stare at his magical face for all eternity. But how could he run? How could he move a muscle when he had the real, magnificent beauty standing right in front of him, saying his name with that _voice, _that voice that sounded like a thousand angels playing harps in the clouds...

"Sam? Sam, wake up!" Dean said, trying to get his brother to recover from passing out, face to floor, after seeing Justin.

"Was I dreaming?" Sam was afraid to ask as he stood back up, then he saw him again!

"You okay?" Bieber asked. They all waited to hear his response, other than Castiel, who was trying to comfort Dean for no apparent reason, when Sam suddenly let out a heart wrenching scream and started jumping up and down like a teeny-bopper that, well, just met Justin Bieber.

After a few minutes, Sam passed out again.

The cycle continued for about ten more times, until Castiel got Sam to catch himself by giving him another of his soul-crushing looks of disapproval Sam was so used to.

"So, Cass, you never told me how Lockhart here is supposed to save the world from this kitty Apocalypse," Dean said.

Castiel was suddenly glowing with pride as he said, "This is Israfel, the angel of music."

"I believe it," said Sam, who earned yet another look from Castiel.

"Look, even if he is an angel of music, how is that supposed to help?" asked Dean, ready to use whatever he could to get rid of the kittens.

Castiel's pride seemed to falter.

"I suppose that would've been good to plan out ahead of time..."

"Great, the one thing that could help against this freak storm is a little kid, and _that _won't even work!"

"I'm seventeen, that's almost an adult!"

Dean seemed just about to explode when Sam yelled, "Look!" and pointed out the window, where he had retreated to after Dean started raising his voice.

"How the hell did that happen?" Dean asked nobody in particular as he stared out the window at the cat-less view.

"I've removed all of the small felines," said Castiel, looking a bit disappointed.

"You could've done that this whole time?" asked Dean, exasperated.

"Of course, it's completely within my ability to transport animals from one place to another. I've returned them to their rightful homes."

Before Dean could decide which question to ask first, Bieber/Israfel interrupted.

"I'm sorry your plan didn't work, Castiel. It was a really good plan."

"What plan?" asked Dean suspiciously.

Castiel shifted his weight around, looking anywhere other than at Dean.

"Cass, what did you do?"

"I simply... moved some animals around..."

"You made it rain cats," Dean finished.

"Why not dogs?" Sam asked.

"What?" asked Castiel.

"'Raining cats and dogs'; that's where you got it from, isn't it?" asked Sam.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," said Castiel.

"But-" began Sam, but he was cut off by Castiel pointing at Bieber/Israfel and yelling, "It was his idea! Supermegafoxyawesome angel away!" and disappearing with a great cloud of unnecessary smoke and a bang.

Dean, not knowing how to react to this, looked at Bieber/Israfel, speechless.

Bieber/Israfel tried to find something to say, but coming up short, decided to make like Castiel and leave.

THE END


End file.
